My decisions will make me die

I feel literally horrible working nearby to home. If I need to work locally, I won’t. Driving is unbearable to me because every time it’s the same path, so I refuse. There’s a very real reason for this, but I can’t explain it, and even if I did, no one would understand. But I need to study more, so I need more money. Most likely what will happen to me is that I will die because of this mental suffering... I’ll die the piece of trash that people take me for. I don’t even need to hurt myself, because all of this will end against my intentions. We don’t know when we die, for example we could be in a car crash today. How this world works is really strange and unfair in my opinion; why do some people never contact me saying what’s wrong? Why don’t they at least tell me what I’ve done to make them mad?! I might not be tortured, but I literally feel like it.