Music is my painkiller

except the problem is that the pain’s still there, I just don’t notice it. Slowly but surely, I’m dying in life, and everything is making it feel like a good experience. I once had several more friends than I have now. Once there was a time when I wasn’t hurt emotionally, and it’s not returning to how it was back then. I wish that I could enter an alternate reality in which all of this wasn’t true. Of all the happiness and pleasure that I experience over the years, they all amount to nothing, as the good feelings that I have are merely painkillers. The truth is literally unbearable. I wish that you could all realize that we as people “are capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. you feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other." This quote, which I found in a piece of music from the band "We Are All Astronauts", is just about perfect and it relates to how I feel like. Until I can regain my friends, I will be cut off from happiness & pleasure; and I want it to be reversed now, or else it will continue to torment me my whole life. I’ve lost; that’s it. Maybe Someday maybe I’ll get there?...