Every moment

Every moment of my life, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack, or that I'm going to faint, from shear stress. I know that there must be fairness that isn't given in this life, but comes in the afterlife. It's not scientifically supported, but shit, I must believe it. Or else I have no hope. I know deep inside that I will try and fail to get to redemption within my lifetime. And then life is not fair. Fairness, or redemption is out there somewhere, but not within my lifetime. What kind of redemption? Redemption from lost time, time that's been lost due to being boring or unproductive; lack of sensory stimuli. That's why I wish that life would hurry the fuck up and end already, so that I could at least see what's on the other side. To be bored is the greatest evil of them all. Maybe it's not fairness that I'm looking for, but instead re