This Life Isn't For Me

This Life Isn't For Me. I'm put down, oppressed, and anguished. And have "everything I want" (or so they say); but that's only the point of view of a few people that I know. Unfortunately, those few people are also the ones that are around me most. I despise it. Why can't I be somewhere else at this moment? Why must I be the one who's having depression? Why can't I have anything to do? These are questions that I struggle with on a daily basis. I wish that someone could come along and help me but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. This life simply isn't meant for me. The excuse is that "some people have it worse off than you". So I should be somewhere in the middle? And if so, then when the world starts to get poorer, then I should move towards the poor too? Why must I be judged based on how the world lives? For about 95 percent of my life, I didn't know what life meant, up until I was about 21 years old. For the most part, I didn't know why I was alive. Now I know, but at nearly the same time that I had found the purpose of life (there are many purposes, or meanings) I was overwhelmed by my deepest feelings and emotions. I still currently have those emotions, which are worse than depression. I realized that these emotions and feelings are like topics; topics that extend beyond me. They are topics that cause so much despair in me, that they seem to go beyond a lifetime. That's a sad thing, did you know? I feel like I'm stuck in one place in my mind and there is an entire world and I can't get about, and there are things happening far away that I don't know about. And I realize that life isn't really worth it. It's not worth the despair and the strong inner feelings and emotions that I have within me; It simply doesn't work that way. I'm actually forced to live with this reality, and can't escape.