I want to tell a story

The rain has now gone. I want to tell a story but nothing comes to mind. I want to be enlightened and enchanted. I need things to change. When will time change? And when it does, it will be for the better. I will be working, and will be able to afford what I want. I can't live like I'm currently living. Actually, that's just wishful thinking; for things will not change for the better, at least not during my lifetime. But what is there to do today and for the upcoming days? Ugly weather, no chance of capturing those fall colors no more. Is that so? I feel horrible because of all of this. I feel despair and anguish. It seems as though I'm beyond depression, and well... It seems as though I'm into unknown territory that's worse than depression. I can't get out though. I'm permanently scarred. I have, long ago, gone through too much over my life. It's not that I've gone through too much as of currently, but that already, long ago, I've had too much of life. It's indescribable.