I Once Thought That Life Had Meaning, But I Live In A Void

Life has no purpose or meaning. I once thought that it did, but it turns out that even though I was right at the time, time has changed and now I can't really say the same. What would it be like if life had a purpose or meaning to it? I mean, that would be really neat, wouldn't it? I feel like I'm someone who shouldn't be on this world, and I'm a negative influence on everyone, who seems like they don't want me to be on this world. They don't act as though that is true, though I really feel that it is. I mean, I can sense that deep down people don't want to me to be. It's as though They would rather be better off if I were dead. But it's true; I mean, all I seek is peace, and I just aren't able to get it in life. I can't even grasp peace anymore, it's beyond my reach. It's as though I'm stuck and peace is really close and I keep moving away from it, farther and farther. What's even worse is that the movement of me away from peace is perpetual. I have fallen into perpetual despair. I didn't want life to be this way, but I've been born into a void full of nothing except despair, and everything that is bad. For most of my life, there was happiness and good memories, but now I realize, after the good feelings have gone away, that life is perpetual suffering. Therefore, I have concluded that there can't possibly be a meaning to life, because it's meaningless. All of the suffering that I've been going through, so much despair; what's the meaning of that? It's never made me stronger or better. Life is literally something that has destroyed me, especially in a psychological sense. How can this end well? It can't. There's no way. I don't look forward to anything. This is real, you can't really make this up!