I Shouldn't Have Done This In The First Place

I shouldn't have taken that medicine! I shouldn't have ever been on antidepressants like I've been for about four years, why doesn't anyone, not a single soul, realize that I don't have fucking depression?; it's much more fucked up than that! I'm not the problem, others are the problem! It's not depression that I'm dealing with, I'm dealing with suffering... and I just want it to end!!!!!!!!! I need a permanent painkiller! Antidepressants have essentially only tormented me.