My Life

I have been in despair, and anguish. I feel as if I'm going to be condemned. Life is far too grueling for me. If anything is for certain, or sure, it is that I will be condemned. I'm already condemned for goodness sake... but being condemned is an understatement, and fails to fully describe me and what I am. I secretly wish that there would be at least a way, out a detour so to speak. I don't know, I mean, I don't even want to know the future, I simply don't want to know the information about the time that is to come. I would prefer not to know anything about my future. I keep sounding crazy as shit and you probably think that way of me, but what I write is true and to be totally honest, if this wasn't true, then I wouldn't be writing these things. I just don't know what to say, please help me find the right vocabulary to help me convey this feeling that I keep hiding and pretending that I don't have.